1. After spending the next 25 to 30 years producing for other artists, West can create an instrumental reinterpretation of the songs of Patti Smith. In much the same way Recording Academy voters clearly think 2007 was the year in which the jazz-inspired songs of Joni Mitchell shook up the musical landscape, perhaps 2032 will be the year West reimagines the songs of Smith and forever changes the face of pop music.
2. Release a duet album through a coffee chain.
3. Though West has branched out to work with the likes of mainstream Grammy faves such as John Mayer and Adam Levine of Maroon 5, Recording Academy voters are clearly not impressed. West can get Daft Punk invited to the show, but that's not going to win him any non-genre awards. Perhaps some Sting and Santana collaborations are in order. And if that doesn't work, maybe some remixes of Frank Sinatra with an occasional verse thrown in -- but not too many. It's Frank they want to hear, not Kanye.
4. Stop performing at the show. Each time he's been nominated for album of the year, West has shown up to deliver the strongest Grammy performance on the telecast. Last night was no different, with his glow-in-the-dark take on "Stronger" with Daft Punk. But as long as West is willing to show up and parade around his songs, there's no reason for Recording Academy voters to cast their ballots his way -- they get to have him on the show, then throw their votes to old-school industry favorites. West should take a hard-line stance against showing up and stop talking about how badly he wants a Grammy. It's time to play hard to get with the Recording Academy.
5. Record a soundtrack. Preferably include at least one overblown ballad, the kind of song that will be covered on "American Idol" for years to come, and also throw in some acoustic, old-timey folk songs. The key to winning an album of the year is to simply stop being relevant.
Lol, courtesy of Todd Martens at the LA Times
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